Every child wants to own a pet. A hamster or a guinea pig, cat or dog. A dog is the ultimate friend for a child. I wanted one too. I wanted small pets as a small child but it was forbidden. People like us didn’t get pets like that. All my friends had them. I was given books to read, paper to draw on. No useless touching or caressing. Pets are not toys and pets make a mess. The mother would need to clean everything up and she’s already cleaning the damn house every day. So no pets. A family we were friendly with had a big cage with canary birds in the kitchen. Everyone back then seemed to own at least one canary. Usually by pairs, that’s better for the animals. Obviously, being locked up alone is worse than being locked up together. That family also had an aquarium in the kitchen, sitting on a low piece of furniture. The dog, a purebred cocker spaniel with a bad character, drank the water right out of that fish tank. Eventually the fish always ended up dead. So did the birds. But the parents said that was a good thing because it taught the children about death. They were a boy and a girl, both terribly ugly. Like the parents, the ugliest people I have ever met. The father was my Latin teacher and he called me Philomena or Xanthippe in class. Said I had small boobs. I could file a complaint today if a teacher treated me that way. But it was 1982 and people did what they wanted. Teachers smoked in schools. Teased their students, embarrassed them. I still hate that man 38 years later.

After years of quarreling my parents finally gave in and decided to buy a dog. But not just any dog, a yellow Labrador. From a breeder. Just like the one our lawyer friend with the Spanish wife had. A trophy dog. For a strange reason I still don’t understand, I stayed home the day my parents drove off to see the breeder with my younger sister. I remember standing at the window staring into the garden when they returned. Followed by a tiny yellow dog who kept close to my 10 year old sibling. I remember that from that day on I enjoyed getting up in the morning to great him. Leo. Our lion, a galaxy, Aslan’s brother, my world as a 13 year old. My link to the outside. Walking to the park with Leo, watching Leo eat, throw up, masturbate in the kitchen and ejaculating all over the oven door. It was a discovery. He was never castrated and had a hard-on almost every day of his life.

It disgusted me, it fascinated me


Aslan: You doubt your value. Don’t run from who you are

C.S. Lewis, ‘Prince Caspian’

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