I hate this eternal reference

Sometimes I think I cannot function alone
I want to be completely free from everything & everyone
He has penetrated my brain and I want to tear him out again. It doesn’t work
I feel useless, I create nothing but emptiness and despair
I grow grey mountains that overshadow joy and sunny mornings
I want to be loved like an angel and at the same time I want to be free and only floating
I have so much hatred in me, so much jealousy in me, so much pain
So much love and so much tenderness. So much of everything
Too much of everything. It eats me up, it makes me explode
I want to stop time. I want to stop thinking. I want this body to leave me alone
I want this body to fall to pieces. I want to stop crying
I want this despair to fly away

The worst:
I feel so unique but I’m utterly serial.